Have you ever drove down the road and seen an old barn. Not the kind that is built today with the tin on the outside but the ones made of nothing but wood.
I love these old barns…for some reason I’m drawn to them. I love to take my camera and take pictures of them capturing what was once their beauty but now is a broken down building. I imagine the barn saying to me: “Hi, I am an old barn. Once I was beautiful, strong and fun. I kept many bales of hay that was used to feed cattle all winter. I held many secrets. I had kittens playing in me and often kids in the loft. I have had many strong hands used in building me and putting the hay way up in my loft. Now, I am old, lonely and neglected. You may see me slowly fade away but you can’t take my memories.”
Yes, these old barns have been neglected and unloved. If someone loved the barn wouldn’t they take the time to care for it, to keep up its appearance and repair what is broken. Much of my life I have felt like that broken down and neglected barn.
I felt as though no one really cared for me. No one took the time to make sure I was okay and that I didn’t need some kind of help [repair]…don’t get me wrong, I know my parents loved me when I was growing up but somehow I still felt the longing to be truly loved…a void on the inside of me.
I believe that longing on the inside is for the love of Jesus. I screwed up many things in my life, like the broken barn…I too was broken…after suffering the sexual abuse of a stepbrother, I was left a broken soul…how will I ever feel whole again? How will anyone ever love me for who I am? Will this longing within me ever be filled?
The answer is yes, Jesus can fill that void within you. The day I gave my heart and life to Jesus, I knew I was no longer a broken down barn but a beautiful creation made to worship and glorify God…it really doesn’t get any better than that. I was created to be His bride…
It occurred to me that in the midst of my mess called life…I forgot to look around and notice all the good things…the blessing God has given me…I have two wonderful boys and we have had a lot of fun together over the years…moments I never want to forget…I have a great family and have been blessed with some amazing Christian Friends…Now that is worth noticing!!!
Paul says in Philippians 1:3, “I thank my God every time I remember you.” I have plenty of reminders each day to thank God for the people in my life. To rejoice over every piece of my story…even if it’s not the story I would have chosen.
1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
God is the one writing my story today, I am no longer trying to fill the void inside of me because Jesus fills that spot in my heart…my prayer is that I would be able to follow Him, and that the words from my mouth and the meditation of my heart would be pleasing to God who is my Rock and my Redeemer. I want Jesus to know how much I long for Him and desire to serve and please Him. He has shown me so much grace and love. It is no longer I that live, but Christ who lives in me.
O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1